If you’ve read my 2019 closing ceremony post, you might have got the idea that last year was busy. You’d be right.
More than that though, it was unstructured and, at times, stupidly chaotic. Part of me (okay, a very large part of me) quite likes that. I tend to have a tenuous relationship with boundaries, and chaos gives me the illusion of flexibility – and illusion is something I get along with very well indeed.
This year promises to be even busier. Looking at the themes for this year from an astrology viewpoint, some words are repeated – words like commitment, duty, responsibility. There’s an emphasis on groups and networks, but also a “behind the scenes” and service element. Above all, it feels heavy.
I have no idea how any of this will pan out, but what I do know is what’s on my plate as 2020 gets underway:
- the day job
- my new (voluntary) role as President of the Romance Writers of Australia (RWA)
- The novels I have begun (but not finished) and the ones that are finished but not published.
I tend to be constantly chasing my tail in a never-ending blur of activity. I get stuff done – I get a lot of stuff done – but I never seem to quite get there. I never seem to fully capitalise on opportunities or momentum.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come a long way in the last decade and have achieved a lot. More importantly, I think I have a better idea of who I am and what I want from life than I did at the beginning of the last decade.
But how does all of this translate into a word of the year?
Knowing how busy I’ll be professionally this year I thought of strength, purpose or resilience. These words, however, feel more like standing still than moving forward and I’m a long way from being in a consolidation phase.
Then it occurred to me that while my schedule is demanding, everything that I shove in and around it, are ways for me to escape from not just the real world, but also from all those other self-limiting things like fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being invisible, fear of being seen. I could go on.
That’s why I’ve decided that it’s time to get real.
- To accept what I can’t, or am not prepared to, change, and do something about what I can.
- To get real about my writing career – write the books, do the marketing, put myself out there.
- To get real about the excess baggage – and I’m not just talking about the kilos.
Maybe, then, my word of the year should be a phrase: get real?
Get real about everything that I currently use to escape from reality.
Get real about the bullsh*t excuses and layers I create to control my environment, keep me safe from exposure and, in the process, ensure that I’ll never quite get to where I need to get to. I say that knowing that there is, of course, no endpoint.
Get real about stripping back the layers and the pretence and the masks will leave me feeling naked and vulnerable (at one point I was leaning towards naked as my word of the year but decided that could have other connotations).
Get real, come out of the shadows and be seen. Be seen to take responsibility, be seen to step up, be seen to be out there.
That’s why my word of the year is…drumroll… not a word but a phrase
What do you think? Do you have a word of the year? Should I have gone with naked?