Alrighty, so last week the wheels fell off a tad. Sure, we were off to Auckland for a wedding celebration with a difference (and I’d already decided I wasn’t going to ruin my weekend by counting, tracking or saying no and would instead be making much merry), but things went a tad wonky before that. Self-sabotage wonky.
The challenging stuff …
For starters, I didn’t track – and we’ve already established that’s necessary for me to stay on (or close to) the program. Secondly, I didn’t meal plan. See comment above. Third, my head got in the way – or should I have led with that? My head got in the way and I didn’t track or meal plan.
There was no reason why this should have occurred. After all, not only had I begun to see the scales move in the right direction, but they’d moved by the amount I’d forecast they would. The graph of my resting heart beat looked like it had fallen off the proverbial cliff (that’s a good thing when it comes to fitness indicators) and my back was even beginning not to be so achey.
Things were heading in the right direction – which is when my head says, ‘hmmm we might just pull this off…’ That’s when the louder voice says, ‘you think? It’s been a good few weeks, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.’ That voice follows up with something like, ‘Do you really want to succeed? After all, what happens if you do? Sure, you’ll fit into more things, but seriously, you’ll lose the joy too… and worse, what if nothing changes? What if you’re exactly the same under the layers but you have to work harder to stay there. You do know how hard you have to work to stay there, don’t you? Remember what it was like last time? One little blip and up went the scales – and they kept going. And, don’t forget how cranky you got when people who couldn’t be faffed giving you the time of day suddenly wanted to talk to you because you looked better. Remember that?’
Those of you who are more evolved than I am would kick that loud voice to the kerb, but I listened to it. I didn’t track, and I didn’t meal plan, and while I also didn’t stray too far off plan, I strayed far enough to know it would be way too easy to stray so far off plan that I lost sight of it altogether. Fear of success is (at least for me) more real than fear of failure. I know what it’s like to fail – especially from a weight-loss viewpoint. I don’t, however, have as much experience with success – it’s more of an unknown quantity.
On the upside, we tried a couple of new accidentally healthy recipes – Angela Hartnett’s spicy chicken broth and Anna Haugh’s Wednesday night curry. I’d like the recipes, but they’re both behind a paywall.
Also, exercise-wise, although we were in Auckland for three days, I managed almost 95,000 weekly steps, my two strength sessions, and one long swim.
Unfortunately, though, we stood in a queue (with heavy backpacks) to get through immigration and security yesterday afternoon in Auckland for two hours (I kid you not) and again in Brisbane for a further 90 minutes (again, I kid you not) when there was a jam getting the bags off the plane. As a result, my back is way back (no pun intended) to its painful self this morning.
Also, I slept very poorly on the weekend – even though we didn’t have stupidly late nights. The hotel room was quite hot, and a hockey team stayed in the complex. As a result, according to my Fitbit, I’ve had just 10 hours of sleep since Friday morning and feel as though I’m running on empty. Hopefully that will sort itself out as the week goes on.
The good stuff…
The weekend itself was funtastic. We were there to celebrate the wedding of my friend’s son. They’d been posted for work in the US and married in a small ceremony in Texas earlier in the year but held a celebration for their Australian and NZ friends and family once they returned to NZ. It meant everything was super-casual and laidback – exactly as a wedding should be. In lieu of a wedding cake, my friend bought some wheels of cheese and decorated it (see below).
We all stayed near the venue in Takapuna on Auckland’s north shore, and walked the beach in the morning, visited the Chelsea Sugar Factory (the home of Kiwi baking) for brunch on Saturday, and checked out a couple of markets yesterday before heading home.
We ate, we drank, we walked, we talked and made plenty of merry.
Week 6 Goals
We’re catch up at a local Italian restaurant with friends on Wednesday night and will be having our family Christmas dinner on Saturday night but other than that, the weekly goals are:
- 70,000+ steps for the week
- 2 strength workouts
- 1 long swim
- Track everything
- Meal planning
Now that November is over, I’m saying hello again to wine – but only twice a week and only as it fits into my weekly indulgences.
I’d be interested to know – are you more afraid of failure or success? Does this get in the way of achieving your goals or do you have a way of telling the voices to shut up already.
And Anyways... 
I know what you mean about self-sabotaging….I am a master at it. Anyway, looks like you had a fabulous time in Tāmaki Makaurau, despite awful airport moments.
I think we’re all super creative with our self-sabotage. The airport stuff could have been worse. Heather said they were warned they mightn’t be able to land in Welly, but pretty much bumped in. Some other friends were on the earlier flight & were turned back to Auckland.
I have that voice to, Jo! The one that tells you, you can’t or brings up excuses why you shouldn’t. You are doing so well and I know you. You will just look at this as a blip and then get back on track. It’s a very difficult time of year too, trying to fit everything in so my philosophy is something is better than nothing, I do what I can. I’m really enjoying your weekly catchup post and admire you for putting yourself out there. #inspirational
Oh I hear you; I tend to be more afraid of failure so I rarely put myself out there and try. Your airport struggles are adding to my upcoming trip anxiety! LOL. I HATE standing in security lines forever and I am really dreading traveling during this busy holiday season. We tend to be “off” season travelers so I’m not used to pack airports.
Ugh. Self sabotage. Because if you are already on the slippery slope, then why not just be “bad” and get it over with. Then comes self-loathing for all those bad decisions. Then start all over again. But like you, I find it super super hard to maintain my weight and slip upwards after one weekend where I have a beer, dessert, and a turkey meal with dessert. So why try? But then I know I feel better, and my back and hip are better when I weigh less. So I start over again. So YEP I know all about the cycle.
Good on you for planning out this coming week.
I’ve read something about this on Instagram – that failure is something you know, but success isn’t and therefore you’re more afraid of success (although in that context it was about anxiety vs happiness but same concept), and I’ve realised I’m exactly like that. I’ve overcome a lot when it comes to physical challenges but when it comes to business and more I’m still stuck because of it. So much “headwork” to do!
Remember that even if you slid back into old habits for a few days doesn’t mean you’re doomed – just get back into your routine and you can do this. You have some very good weekly habits!
That wedding weekend looked amazing (and so did the food) I think anyone with any appreciation of fun and food would have thrown caution to the wind and indulged. I also think that we can be too hard on ourselves when we slip up on meeting our goals, and then use that as an excuse to give up.
I’ve seen how focused you can be on your writing and on your old job, so I think you had a small blip on your diet radar, and will be off and running again this week. Christmas is coming and you want to get yourself set again with all that delicious temptation coming your way. You’ve got this girl!