The last few weeks have been overwhelmingly busy- I’ve mentioned that a few times.
This week, though, I hit the wall I was always going to hit- it was just a matter of time as to when.
Late on Sunday afternoon I found myself typing the work “journey” in the horoscope I was writing. I’d obviously been at the keyboard for too long. I poured a glass of wine. Then another. I stopped at that.
Monday was manic, and I was full of anxiety- a hand shaking, heart bashing, mood wrenching anxiety that hits me (thankfully) extremely rarely. It was a combo of a few things:
- working through the weekend- again
- working late- again
- Miss 16 swimming at Zone for the last time and mother guilt at not being there
- end of month/start of month pressure at the partition job
- the jury duty I was required to attend the following day- which meant I was squeezing 2 weeks work into one…just in case I was chosen
At 5pm when I found out I’d been excused, instead of relief- or maybe because of relief- I burst into tears. I do that when I’m under stress- melt when the end is near.
Somehow over the past 5 weeks, I’ve managed the workload and the deadlines. I’ve completed a structural edit of a 90,000 word book, written countless horoscopes, sat in traffic for 2-3 hours a day, done a full day in the office in between, kept the housework up, met every social or family commitment, walked thousands of steps, and watched what was going in my mouth.
It’s been ridiculous, and this week, after the meltdown, I let some of it go.
- I sent the book off to the editor.
- I have another scope delivery this weekend, but haven’t looked at it this week- it can wait until tomorrow
- I’ve allowed myself a glass of wine at night
- I took my fitbit off
- I didn’t go near the scales
- I had sandwiches for lunch, pumpkin macaroni for dinner- and the leftovers for breakfast
I’ll be back in the saddle, on the wagon, in control, whatever, next week, but for now I’m doing the opposite.
After this weekend, the commissioned work is done. I’m in waiting mode until the manuscript comes back from the editor. There is light at the end of this particular tunnel- and fitbit challenges to be accepted 🙂
Until next time…