N is for Nearly…

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N is for Nearly…

I’ve been struggling over something with the letter N.

Sure I could write about New York, but what could I say that hasn’t been said? Millions of times.

Then I went through my itunes artists lists: Natalie Bassingthwaite, Natalie Imbruglia, New Order, Nouvelle Vague, Nirvana, No Doubt, Norah Jones, Nelly Furtado….nope, no favourites there.

Then I went to my bookshelves…nothing there either that jumped out and grabbed me.

Just over halfway through my alphabet and I’ve hit a snag.

So close to finishing…

Then it hit me. I was nearly there…and nearly there, in many ways, defines my life.

I do almost and nearly there really well. I’ve written about it before. I start strong, and then, with the finishing line in sight, I falter. Just. Like. That. Or I change course, or I make some excuse. Whatever. I don’t quite get there. And yes, I know enough about myself that tied up in it all are fears- not so much of failure, but of what comes after you finish. What happens after the success? What if it isn’t as I imagined it? What if I get there and don’t feel anything? What if there is no happily ever after? What if there is just nothing?

Take 2013 for instance. And yes, I know I’ve done the whole closing ceremony thing and left in in yesterday, but it illustrates my point.

  • My book got this close to being picked up. Twice. It was almost there. I’m re-writing yet again…it’s nearly done.
  • I was this close to getting my tummy problems sorted out with my anti-candida diet, and this close to fitting into jeans that were a size smaller than the ones that I previously could only nearly get the zip done up on. Now I’m this close to causing damage to my internal organs if I try and do up the zip on my fat jeans.
  • I’m still nearly finished my astro book.
  • I nearly finished the C25K program before bailing out at week 6, pleading multiple injuries. Instead of getting to 5kms without stopping, I got to 4.1…with difficulty.
  • The number of times that I had rejections to travel pitches with “great idea, but we’re running something similar in x months,” tells me that the idea was fine and I nearly had my timing right…and am almost there.
  • nearly finished painting all the cornices- there’s just our room and the lounge room to go. It’s all about moving furniture and taking down curtains and blinds, you see.

Just last week, I nearly had the almost perfect training preparation for my upcoming Routeburn Track…before I tore my calf muscle. Now I’m on a race against time to heal it before I go to New Zealand in four weeks time.

As I said…nearly there, almost there, this close…

The thing is, I know (logically) that nothing will be as it is in my fantasies- that’s why they’re called fantasies. I get that. I know (logically) that what’s on the other side of finishing, is real life. I even know (logically) that there’ll always be another dream or challenge I can set myself.

I just have to get there.

I’m not writing this for any sort of reassurance- or whatever. It’s just that I’ve decided that 2014 will be the year that I don’t nearly finish or get there or whatever, but the year that I do. That’s all.

Speaking of which, I’m back to the re-write…I think I’ve nearly found the bit in the middle that needs work.

Comments

6 comments on “N is for Nearly…”
  1. Rae Hilhorst says:

    Loving your nearly’s, some of them I have started and am nearly there to, but others alas I haven’t even started such as exercise or dieting, well not so much dieting as eating healthier, figured that was easier.

  2. Jo says:

    good luck with your almost theres as well 🙂

  3. Debbish says:

    Oh… I like that you have so many NEARLYs cos it means you’ve been brave enough to TRY! Only a few of those NEARLYs are because you gave up, the rest are things you’re still working on or revising and I think that’s great. I’m more of the ‘nearly get there, but give up’ mentality!

    1. Jo says:

      Love that way of looking at it…:)

  4. Debbish says:

    Wait!!! Or… I don’t even try! (Sorry, the ‘Wait!!!’ was aimed at the computer cos I hadn’t quite finished and accidentally pressed POST COMMENT!)

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