Every so often my astro world and my posts here overlap. Today is one of those times. If you’re an astro reader, apologies for the repetition.
You see, I got a rejection from a publisher yesterday for my chick lit novel.
Don’t worry, I’m not upset. As far as rejections go, this was a good one.
Usually what you get from publishers is silence. It’s deafening. Or a thanks but no thanks email.
This publisher had called for the full manuscript (after submission of the first 3 chapters and synopsis) and read the whole thing- even after she had decided that it was more womens fiction than romance. It is. And she publishes romance- so it doesn’t fit. She told me that. She didn’t have to tell me that she enjoyed it, but she did. She didn’t have to tell me that she liked my style and that I “had her” with the story. But she did. She could have just told me it didn’t fit their titles.
As I said, this was a good rejection.
It was also the most frustrating one I’ve received. It all feels so close that I can nearly touch it.
I knocked this manuscript out very quickly last November/December. The first 50,000 words in NANOWRIMO and the remainder before Christmas. I loved the story from the very first paragraph. Truly.
I re-drafted it quickly as well. It just feels right. It still does.
Here’s the thing though, it feels like something is almost right, that it’s almost going to happen, that I’m almost on the right track.
I’ve got so many projects on the almost finished list:
- There’s the astro book on making the most of your birth chart to be the best you can be. The first draft is done, but it needs work. A lot of it. I’m scared to finish it- especially since I feel far from my best.
- There’s the beginner astrology course. I’m writing two versions- one to deliver on line, and one to pitch to the local community college as a face to face. I’m scared to finish that too- what happens if no one comes?
- There’s my 1st novel. It falls somewhere in between womens fiction and romance. It’s had 2 call backs from publishers- one womens fiction and one romance. One suggested it needs more romance, the other suggested it needs less. It’s been through a structural editor, and I made the changes, only to have one of the publishers suggest that it would have read better without those changes. Anyways, somehow it still all feels too close to me. It’s almost there. So close that it scares me. Possibly because it’s my first.
I do “almost” well.
It’s having a heap of potential and “almost” delivering on “almost” all of it.
In the past I’ve done just enough to “almost” master something, before declaring myself bored already and drifting onto something else.
I’ve done photography courses (the old fashioned way with filters and manual controls. I’ve learned French and Italian- almost enough to get me by. Let’s not go to how close I came to attaining senior management in the corporate world…before declaring that I couldn’t bear the bullshit. The real truth is I was scared I wouldn’t quite make the very top.
Even now, I’ve slipped off my dietary bandwagon. My excuse is that I’m about to go to Thailand and drink beer- lots of beer…and food containing palm sugar and fish sauce and other anti candida no nos. Sounds logical? Absolutely. I haven’t put on any of the weight that I lost- well, just the 500g after Queenstown, but that’s not the point.
The real reason though, is that it was working. What I was doing was working. I was almost there. And if it was working and I was almost there, what would happen if I finished the job and nothing was different? The real reason is I’m getting scared.
The not finishing something. The clashing priorities. The woulda shoulda couldas…I do this a lot. I hear myself saying it. I catch myself thinking it.
A wise coach told me the other week that I need to do my own personal mission statement- like they do for companies. Because that’s what I am- my own brand, my own business, with my own mission.
Then, when I’m presented with an option that could turn my almost there into a wander down a completely different path, I have a reminder to bring myself back on course.
There’s a New Moon tonight- I wrote about it on the astro page. it’s a potent reminder to determine what’s really important and letting the rest slide.
My New Moon mantra is to remove the adjective “almost” from my mindset.
I am here. I like the sound of that.
I’ll be away for the next couple of weeks, so instead of regular posts I’ll be popping up the occasional post of my travels- as time and (affordable) internet access permits.