wtf wednesday…so tired…

the jacaranda tree in the carpark at the gym. Yep, I’ve moved from tired into manic mode.

As I write this post I’m waiting to hear the alarm go off.

I’m sitting in my office at home and the rest of the house is in darkness.

For the umpteenth time in the last week I haven’t been able to sleep past 4.30am. At least I lasted until 4.30am. Saturday was 4am, so was yesterday. On Sunday I slept in- until 4.30am.

I’m exhausted, utterly brain exhausted.

It’s that bone aching, eye aching, head aching tiredness that seeps through your pores. The sort of tiredness you feel after pulling an all nighter with full on dehydration from a long haul flight- but without the duty free and the photos.

That tiredness that every new mother knows when for what seems like the millionth night in a row you hear that cry that means you’re back on duty. A creative project is very like being a new mother- but without the shitty nappies.

Yet I can’t sleep past 4.30am. The night time heat & humidity isn’t helping.

This weekend we’re in Canberra, so no sleep there- I never sleep well the first night in a hotel, and as we’re only there for Saturday night…well… In any case, it’s a flying visit- Mr T’s Mum turned 80 last week.

Next weekend we’re in Wellington, New Zealand, for a dear friends’ 50th birthday. That will be a full weekend with the added complication of a 2 hour time difference so I had better get some zzzzs before then. I can’t wait to see her.

Regular readers will know that I started a new part time job a month or so ago. It was supposed to be and easy-ish 2 days a week, leaving me 3 days to get my writing done.

That was the theory.

I’m already working 3 days- and, because we’re so busy- they’re very long days.

We’re building a retail outlet, we’re stocking it, we’re staffing it. From scratch. As a project, it’s just some dates and tasks on a gantt chart. But every single one of those tasks is something completely out of my comfort zone. I’m getting a crash course on retail, styling and marketing.

Then last week someone made me the offer of reading my chick lit manuscript.

It’s been languishing in a metaphorical drawer for the last 6 months waiting for me to do another set of edits and re-writes.

I was waiting until I could look at it with detachment. I was waiting until I was so wound up into the emotional concerns of the characters in my new project before polishing the old. I though this would mean that I could be more objective.

I don’t know how long I was going to wait.

And then there came an offer to read it.

It’s a great opportunity.

The hardest thing for any struggling author is to get someone, anyone, not remotely related to you or connected by friendship, to read your book. Especially if that someone is someone who knows other someones who might be able to one day get it in front of someone who can bring it into the light of day.

The only catch? I had 100,000 words to review and package in just over a week.

Before this started, I had also signed up to do nanowrimo and get a really good start on the next book.

Then there’s my usual schedule of blogs, astro readings, commitments made to others.

So, I’ve worked till almost midnight each night. I’ve worked all weekend and I’ve worked each morning before I go to work.

And I sent my book off late last night.

Now I start the catch up.

My head is full of my schedule, of plots, or characters, or scenes and of products that need to be ordered and job applications that need to be reviewed and gym classes I need to get to, hotels that need to be booked, arrangements that need to be made.

When I do get to sleep, it’s to dream what has to be done.

I’m exhausted.

The thing is, if I hadn’t made the commitment to get the book done, it would still be languishing in the metaphorical drawer.

If I didn’t commit to the outside job I’m doing I wouldn’t be taking my passport out of the top drawer and still have a couple of days a week to pursue my dream.

If I didn’t maintain my blogs, the limited number of readings that I do and all my other commitments I wouldn’t know that it’s that and the new characters I’m creating that I really want to be doing.

And that’s worth being exhausted for.

Maybe not quite this exhausted though?

Oh, and my nanowrimo count? At just over 12000 words, I’m right on target.

If you’re one of the people that I owe an email, astro reading, response to a question, or anything else to…apologies…but for now, it is what it is- at least until November is done! 



15 comments on “wtf wednesday…so tired…”
  1. I also have been awake at 4 or 4.30am for the past week… Driving me mad and also utterly exhausted. Also same for girl I work with!!

    1. jo says:

      it’s yuck, hey…

  2. Zohra says:

    Hey Jo, you did great to get that manuscript out! Keep going, before you know it, it’ll be December! Trying to send some energy vibes towards you!
    Take care!

    1. jo says:

      I’m feeling the vibes already 🙂

  3. Must be something in the air – 4.30am seems to be a popular time for the lights to go on in our heads, ditto here for the last 3 days! I think you got it right in your last sentence – ‘it is what it is.” We’ll get through it, or over it, things will move on and the world will be right again 🙂

    1. jo says:

      as it does…

  4. Debbish says:

    Jo – wow! Talk about setting goals and achieving them! What an amazing job you’re doing keeping on top of everything.

    I also note that you acknowledge that you needed the deadline re your manuscript to get it edited and sent. I cannot believe you’ve kept up your NaNo words despite all of that.

    Hope you get some decent sleep soon… but well done!


    1. jo says:

      thanks Deb 🙂

  5. Leslie says:

    In my part of the world (SC,US) its freezing! Making me want to stay snuggled up in bed and sleep 🙂 I refuse! Good luck Sweet Lady! Your manuscript is a HUGE achievement!!! Don’t forget YOU in all of this! You have to STOP and take care of you before you’ll be any good to others 🙂 Give yourself a day off and do WHATEVER you want :* Love and light from the US 🙂

    1. jo says:

      Thanks so much Leslie…

  6. pommepal says:

    You are amazing with all your achievements. Being so busy makes time really whizz by

    1. jo says:

      it’s certainly whizzing at the moment- & on the whole, that’s a good thing.

      1. pommepal says:

        I agree, as my Mother always said “better to wear out then rust out” she was active, living on her own till she was 95

      2. jo says:

        so true. I intend to put plenty of miles on this engine.

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